First, I apologize for not posting last week. I was at our winter retreat with our teen group. It is kind of hard to post from the back of beyond.

Now, on to the topic for today. Submission. I know. It is a dirty word to some, but it is important to our lives as Christians. A couple of weeks ago, my coworker preached on this subject. He was talking about the relationships between family members such as husband and wife, parents to children. I got to thinking about my specific situation. I do not live with my parents and I am not married. Does this concept apply to me? Even without delving into my particular situation, my coworker answered my question for me. You see, the passage he was speaking from in Ephesians 5 says first that we are to submit ourselves one to another. Even though I do not have a husband or children, submission should still play a part in my life.

The latter part of Ephesians 5 talks specifically about the family dynamics. Where do we fit within the family structure? Husband is the head of the house, wife is second ‘in command,’ then come children. However, the marital relationship is likened to Christ and His Bride, the Church. Even though I am not married and for all intents and purposes am the head of my home, I still have a relationship with Christ. Submission enters my life with my relationship to Him. He should be the head of my home, just as He should be the head of every Christian home.

Submission also comes into play with verse 21 of chapter 5.

Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

I may not have a husband to submit to, but I should be submitting ‘one to another.’ In the life of a single missionary this includes, your home/sending church, your coworker (especially if you are a woman), the authority of your mission agency (if you use one), and the government of the country you live in (see Acts 4:19-20 for civil disobedience). I am sure I have not mentioned all the instances where submission is required, but you get the idea.

Before I go any further, I would like to define the word submission. You know me, word lover. This is the definition taken from Webster’s 1828 dictionary.

SUBMIS”SION, n. [L. submissio, from submitto.]

1. The act of submitting; the act of yielding to power or authority; surrender of the person and power to the control or government of another.

Submission, dauphin! ‘‘Tis a mere French word;

We English warriors wot not what it means.

2. Acknowledgment of inferiority or dependence; humble or suppliant behavior.

In all submission and humility,

York doth present himself unto your highness.

3. Acknowledgment of a fault; confession or error.

Be not as extreme in submission, as in offense.

4. Obedience; compliance with the commands or laws of a superior. Submission of children to their parents is an indispensable duty.

5. Resignation; a yielding of one’s will to the will or appointment of a superior without murmuring. Entire and cheerful submission to the will of God is a Christian duty of prime excellence.

Submitting is an action. It requires strength to perform. Those who think submission a weakness have it all wrong. For a strong person to submit to anyone else requires an act of will.

Sometimes submission means giving up something you love or want. I am specifically thinking of when Paul said not to use our liberty to cause a brother to sin. It could also be applied to a single person giving up marriage to follow the will of God. God is the only one who can tell the future. Because of this, we should submit ourselves to His leading.

To sum up, a Single person does have a responsibility to submit.

• To Christ
• To one another in the fear of God
• To earthly authority that does not conflict with Biblical authority

Submission should not be a dirty word in our lives. It should rather be an act of worship to God and of love to our fellow men. It requires us to be strong emotionally and spiritually.

I have been preaching to myself again, but I hope you are blessed from my thoughts on submission. What do you think about this subject? Please let me know.

Last week I talked about being away from family during a major life event. This week I will be continuing the topic with some insights I have had into the grieving process.

Photo Credit: César Augusto Serna Sz via Compfight cc

Since I came to Portugal in 2008, I have lost two grandparents, my dad’s mom and my mom’s dad. Both times I was not able to get back for the funeral, but because of God’s grace, I was able to see each of them mere months before they died. These are some of the lessons I have learned along the way. I hope they will be a blessing and help to you in a dark time in your life.

Time is precious

Time is fleeting. We only have so much of it before it is gone. Each day is only 24 hours long. Each week 7 days, etc. The good news is every person is given the same time, the same 24 hours and the same 7 days. The bad news is we never know when our time is up. Because of this we need to make the most of the time we have been given. Even though I was unable to go to either funeral, I was able to spend some time with each grandparent shortly before their deaths. Spending time with someone shows you care. Remember, you only have so much time and to use some of that time to talk and be with someone else tells that person that you care.

The grieving process is a process

It never hit me until I was actually going through this process that it was a process. This means it will take time to heal. The length of time is different for everyone. The really curious thing I discovered during the process was that you could go days and be fine then the next day you are in tears. With the recent death of my grandfather, I find myself at odd times being reminded of him and then breaking out in tears. It does not happen every day, just at times when I am reminded that he is no longer on earth.

The process is different for everyone

Everybody is different. We are all unique. Because of this, the way we handle grief will be different for each person. I am able to cry and relieve the sadness. A friend of mine tends to bottle it all up. Keeping busy is a relief for some. Some are prostrate and have difficulty getting through each day. The important part of this process is to let yourself grieve, realize it will not heal overnight, and even when it does heal, there will still be a scar.

As a missionary, I am in a unique position. Family and friends, who live with and around the departed family member, deal with the loss every day. They become accustomed to that person’s absence. Missionaries do not have this opportunity and so when they go back home, they are hit with the loss all over again. This is a part of the process I had never considered until I spent Christmas with my sister’s family in the same town my Grandmother had lived in. While the family in the area had become accustomed to her absence, I had not. I have to say Christmas that year was not one of my favorites.

The best thing I have learned through this process, it does get better. Even though there will always be that scar, there will come a time when you can say, ‘I still miss them, but I can go on. I may not be the same because this has changed me, but I can face going on with my life. One of the things that has helped me this time, has been this blog. Being able to write about losing my grandfather has helped me deal with the grief of losing him.

On a side note, due to an upcoming surgery, next week’s blog post may be a day or two late.

We have all seen a person who struggles with an inside out umbrella. The wind catches it just right and BAM! Inside out. Life is like that sometimes. Things seem to be going smoothly then all of a sudden, our lives are inside out and upside down. Why am I talking in raining metaphors? Well, one reason is it has been raining like crazy here. Second reason is most of us associate a rainy day with sadness, which leads me to talk about my topic.

Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon via Compfight cc

One of the hardest things for a missionary to face is being away from family. If you are single, it is especially hard as you have no immediate family around you (like spouse and kids). The next hardest thing is being away from family during a major life event. This could be the death of a loved one or the birth of new family member. Skype only gets you so far before you want to talk to your family face to face and give them a hug.

It seems like the past couple of years, I have been faced with both of these cases. I feel torn. I want to be with my family, but I know this is where I am supposed to be. I want to be in several places at one time, but I am only one person. I can only be in one place at a time. The one of the hardest tests for me was when my sister’s husband was deployed and she was at home with a new baby and a toddler. There were times I wanted to jump through the computer screen and give her a day off from worry and loneliness.

How can we deal with the times where life turns our umbrellas inside out? One way is to get mad at God, give up and go home. This is the easy route, the tempting route, the route that says, Curse God and die. This route leads to personal and spiritual failure.

The other way is to say, God has a plan and I will only be fulfilled if I am doing that plan. Yes, it is painful. Yes, it is at times lonely. Yes, there are times you want to scream, Why me? Why my family? Why? Sometimes we never hear the answer to the Why me? But I can tell you that God is right there beside you and right beside your family. He walks with us and will carry the load much better than we can. We just need to give it to Him.

There are so many times in life when we feel crushed by the weight of the load on our backs. We don’t have to feel this way. God is ready and able to carry these burdens and cares. Remember in 1 Peter 5:7 He says,

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

 Then again in Matthew 11:28-30;

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

When life seems inside out, look to God. He can help you look past the rain to find the rainbow of His care and promise.

I have been preaching to myself again with this blog post, but if it was a blessing to you, will you leave a comment? In the meantime, I am off to give my burdens to the Ultimate Burden Bearer.

This is a rather old word that means:

1. Steadfastness of mind under duress:  fortitude b:  fidelity, loyalty
2. A state of being constant or unchanging

This can sound stodgy and stubborn like a person afraid of change, but to me it sounds more of reliability. Something that is constant is reliable and dependable. It most closely reminds me of the verse:

For I am the LORD, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed. Malachi 3:6

It is a comfort to me that God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Why am I writing about constancy? This is a follow up post to my end of year post about goals. Goals are something to which we should be constant. I imagine that constancy to a goal is difficult for most people. I know it is for me. In my dreams of married life constancy is not a problem. I have someone on whom I can depend to help me be constant. (

Not to mention the fact that I have promised constancy to this person.) However, having observed a few marriages in my life, I can say with some confidence that if you struggle with constancy to goals or commitments before marriage, then you will struggle with it during your marriage.

For the purposes of this blog, I will be talking about sticking to goals with constancy. Someone with more qualifications than I (i.e. someone who is married) can talk about constancy within a marriage.

Constancy comes down to discipline. UGG! I know it is a dirty word to some, but it is also a necessary word. Without discipline, the world would be chaos. Back to the dictionary! Discipline is defined as:

1. :  training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character
2. a :  control gained by enforcing obedience or order b :  orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior c :  self-control
3. :  a rule or system of rules governing conduct or activity

There are other definitions but these are the ones we discussing today. Discipline can come from two directions, an outside force or an inside force. That is someone can impose discipline on you or you can impose discipline on yourself. The first can lead to the second.

The first type of discipline is what a parent does with a child and what the military does with its soldiers. In both cases, the outside force is trying to instill self-discipline. The parent knows that at some point and time, their child will leave the house and will have to function within societies norms. The child will have to keep himself from ‘transgressing’ the ‘rules’ of society. (Can’t you tell I am studying for my master’s in education!) The

military on the other hand is trying to keep its personnel safe by imitating the conditions found on a battlefield. They know those conditions are physically, mentally and emotionally demanding, so they try to instill self-disciple in their soldiers so they are ready to meet those demands.

Photo Credit: The U.S. Army via Compfight cc

The second type of discipline is self-discipline. This is the discipline that will keep an athlete practicing until he has perfected his sport. It is also the discipline that will help a soldier finish the mission even though there is no drill sergeant telling him, ‘GET IT DONE!’ This is the type of discipline that we as Christians need.

With Jesus as our Great Example, we should strive to be constant in all things. He, being God, never changes, always keeps His promises and is faithful till the end.

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:2

Jesus set the goal then disciplined Himself to reach that goal. How can we do the same? Here are some things that have worked for me and I hope will help you.

Set a Schedule

Setting a schedule can help you be constant. This schedule should be realistic and flexible (life throws curveballs so you have to learn to duck!) The schedule you set could be daily or weekly or even monthly. It depends on how structured you want your days. My schedule consists of times for house chores, work periods and even times for rest. Sometimes I am able to stick strictly to the schedule. Other times, life interferes and I need to set aside my schedule for the interference. Sticking with a routine has helped me to become more disciplined in getting things done. One thing I have discovered is if you stick your routine you end up with a lot more free time than you thought you had.

 Be Accountable

Being accountable to someone can help you instill self-discipline. A couple of years ago, my sister and I agreed that we would give up sugar for 3 months and then have one week were we could eat sweet things as a reward. The first two weeks were the hardest. I craved sugar all the time. After that is was much easier. Having to be accountable to my sister helped me through those tough first weeks. It is ok to ask someone for help. Strength is not refusing to ask for help, strength is knowing you need to ask for help. It can also be the most difficult thing to do. We as humans hate to expose our soft spots. Too many times we have been hurt for doing so. However, asking help of someone you trust can be the best support to achieving your goals.

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Tomorrow is a New Day

 You know the old phrase, ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.’ This is something that can help with constancy. What?!? Failure can help with success? Thomas Edison was asked once about the failures he had before he succeeded at making an incandescent light bulb. He said, ‘I did not fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb.’ Persistence is also a part of discipline and constancy. So, you didn’t meet your goal for today, get up, dust yourself off and try again tomorrow. As humans, we can learn through failure and go on or we can wallow in our failure and become stuck in the mud of yesterday. If any of the great men of our past had given up at the first obstacle, we would not live in the world we live in today.

These are some of the things that help me be more constant. What works for you?

Dictionary definitions from the online Merriam-Webster dictionary